Adam where are you?
I have just come back from a week long retreat. Apart from the words of our liturgy and some chant it was totally silent. One cannot underestimate the physical and psychological effort that such a retreat demands. To sit in silent meditation all day only to be interrupted by periods of walking meditation day after day is hard especially for those immersed in a world which is constantly battered by words and noise. All noise and activity on the outside is replicated in the constant stream of thoughts that run through our head. All of this together with our constant activity however good it may seem can be, as remarked by a great Tibetan Buddhist spiritual teacher, nothing more than "busy laziness." Our compulsive activity becomes an avoidance of confronting and experiencing our deepest inner self. Throughout the history of the Christian church and especially in the early centuries there have been men and women who have undertaken the rigors of a lifetime of search for God. Although most of us do not have either the call or the opportunity to give our life to this search yet surely we all long to discover our true nature and experience in a very real way the presence of Christ within us.
At the beginning of my retreat the first day was taken up with getting into the correct posture so that the body doesn't complain with aches and pains in the back and knees. There has to be a settling in to being attentive to being in the present rather that in the fantasy land of ides and thoughts. To begin with it is almost impossible to silence the "popcorn" mind. The brain seems to churn out a non stop series of inconsequential thoughts. But a dedicated commitment to just sitting there and letting all these superficial thoughts go passing by gradually pays off. Slowly the brain slows down but now it frequently brings up thoughts of the past with attendant guilt or concerns of anxiety for the future. Through all this one has to remain committed to just coming back to an awareness of the present. By about half-way through the retreat there comes a shift to a deeper level of consciousness where, led by the Holy Spirit, one begins glimpse that which lies at the heart of our being. This is indeed a graced time where the real transformation of life begins as one begins to come to the sure foundation of one's life. The effect of such a retreat is profound and long lasting because it is based on one's own experience rather than on what we have read or been told by somebody else. In the end of course we realise that our inner transformation really does depend on ourselves actually doing the work. Only by working with a time tested practice is it possible to know, beyond words and rational thought, the loving presence of Christ within us with an attendant awakening to the unifying knowledge that all is one and that Christ is present in all creation. In the words of St Peter we begin to experience a "sharing in the Divine mystery."
Having this experience must of course lead to a realisation of the experience into our every day life. First is must enable us to be truly attentive to what we are doing so that we really become one with what we do. Only in this way can we truly be said to live life. Without practise at being attentive we miss so much of our life because our mind is else where.
Many readers may genuinely say that they do not have the luxury of time or finance to go on such a retreat. Of course this itself can be an avoidance because if we really felt that this was something that would enrich our life beyond belief we would make sure that we found the time and the money. But that's another story! Even so there is no need to worry about that or dismiss the ideas suggested here altogether. Anyone can start to do this at home. All one needs is a commitment to sit with a straight back on a dining room chair or stool in a posture of relaxed attentiveness for about twenty minutes each day just being attentive to each breath. To know you are breathing in as you breathe in and know that you are breathing out as you breathe out. The body and mind in this way are united together in the present moment. Do you remember how God called out to Adam in the garden, "Adam where are you?" Today God calls out to you, "Where are you?" A practise of meditative prayer as outlined here will enable you to confidently answer "I am here" as you touch the ground where you sit or stand.
